Saturday, June 27, 2009

My Confession and New Beginning

Last night Earl and I had to go buy me an outfit to wear to my daughters High School Graduation today. The last several years I absolutely dread shopping for myself. Growing up I always felt fat and even though I was a chubby in my 4-7 years of school I thinned out after that and was always petite. I weighed about 85 lbs and wore a size 0 wedding gown when I was 17. I never weighed over 100 lbs until I had my 4th baby. I got up to 110 then. After my 5th baby was born I got back down to 95 lbs. When I moved to New York 12 years ago I had gotten back up to almost 120 lbs. Progressively over the last few years I have gotten fatter and fatter. I very seldom leave the house and in my little world I feel fine, but when I do leave the house I am very ashamed of myself. Last night was it though!! I am so embarrassed to go to my daughters graduation looking the way I do. I am up to almost 190 lbs. I can't believe I admitted this to everyone. I'm tired of being embarrassed by my own body though, I'm tired of the way I look and the way I feel. Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike overweight people......just myself. I'm so tired of trying to find clothes and nothing fits. I'm only 4'9" so any extra weight definitely shows on me and quite frankly I look like a rolly polly now. So as of today I am going to really get serious about exercising and eating right. I know a couple of you of heard this from me before, but I'm really ready now and I have no excuses.

My fat progression
I remember feeling so fat on this day,
now I only wish I was this fat!
I only have 1 chin in this picture

Now I have 2 chins

Me now. See all of the chins......on working on chin #3.

I'm going to be posting my progress over the next few months in the hopes that now that I've publicly humiliated myself I might actually be motivated to loose some weight. Wish me luck and any support and encouragement will be gladly accepted!!!!


Valerie said...

Oh you have motivated me girl! I have been feeling very fat. Last night we went fishing and something about having that life vest on and a tight tank top on under my shirt and being sooooo hot made me decide to do something too. I have decided my #1 thing this week is to drink more water & walk at least 3 times a week for 20 minutes. I can't cut out eating everything. We enjoy it too much. Ha! But I can drink more water this week instead of cokes. My next thing will be to cut out my sweeets! But one week at a time. I will go with you! We have made the first step. Thanks for motivating me!

kana said...

Hi Sherry,

Congrats on your daughter's graduation! I'm sending encouraging words your way....stick to your plan, be diligent and patient and you will succeed. Check out, another creative soul who lost ~50# over 1 yr ago. If you search back far enough, you can read several posts about her losing wt. Good luck!!

robyn said...

You can do it Sherry. Just remember that you can't cut back on everything right away it is so much easier to cheat that way. Cut back slowly. With two diabetics in the house we have really learned what a serving is and that helps too. My biggest mistake is skipping breakfast every trainer I have talked to tells me I actually gain weight by skipping breakfast. Also I am a caffeine addict and caffeine stores fat (darn). I just can't seem to give up that part. I have really tried to cut back and tell myself I bet that cake looks better than it actually taste and most of the time it really did look better than it tasted. Start walking and then build yourself up always try changing your workout walk a different way or do something different so that you don't get bored working out. I have friends at the Y and if I don't show up for several days they call and tell me to get my butt back or else. You can do it and if you need someone to talk to I am here for you I can always ask the trainers I know if you have any questions. Here is something we always tell new people at the gym if your sore when you wake up get up and do it again because sitting around will only make you sorer. Eventually if you don't feel the pain from a workout you don't even feel like you worked out. I really believe that our genes have a weird fat cell because if I skip a week of working out a gain weight like crazy. I think our family has to workout in order to stay trim. You can do it and I will support you and am ready to hear your progress.

Cathy said...

What a difficult post to make. This only shows your strength. You have always been a beautiful person and will continue to be no matter what the size. Sending lots of thoughts for you as start this new exciting journey!


Yarni Gras! said...

Life brings change and sometimes we don't take care of ourselves. Now that you've made this declaration, remember not to be too hard on yourself.

Angela Harris said...

Hey Sherry!

We're all in it with you! No worries about being embarrassed. We all do it! We pay so much attention to how we are doing with our family and home that we let ourselves go. I've been at 140 since I was in high school and I'm pretty short at 5 foot 2. I did the Raw food diet last year and lost 15 pounds in about 2 months. which put me at 125. I felt great but through a depression period I gained it all back over the winter months. Now I battling 15 pounds again but haven't commited to anything. All I know is I feel yucky. The numbers and percentages don't matter. What matters is that we feel good. & neither of us do right now. so Let's try harder together. I'm sure by keeping up with your progress I will be inspired. keep going!
It's also great to post about because you have the blogworld to answer too. you can't just quit when you want b/c we'll be watching!!
You can do it!

Letting Myself Free said...

Momma, I have always told you you're gorgeous & you always will be. I don't think you're fat either, even though you have always said you are. you've always been beautiful to me, & that will never change!!!

Twyla and Lindsey said...

Sherry, you are brave and I am proud of you. You are such a beautiful person inside and out. I was 223 lbs and if I could do it, I know you can too! I am with you every step of your journey. Twyla

AwtemNymf said...

Awwww- Sherry.... you're beautiful! You're eyes and smile are beautiful! In your quest to lose weight- the healthy way, Congratulations on taking the first steps, and deciding to make a change for YOU! Don't be so preoccupied on what everybody else thinks. Do it for you. Take that "For You" empowerment and let it be your motivation! To feel better about YOU! Be prepared for anything. There will be bumps along the road and accept them- your human! Always drink lots of fluids. If you get tired of the boring taste of water (i know i do) change it up to Iced Tea, Iced Ttea w. Lemon, Iced Tea w. sweet n low, Crystal Light. Even brew your favorite hot tea in a glass jar and make sun tea and then refridgerate it. Drink lots of fluids. That will get you started- since it will flush out your system. Maintain proportion control. A meal doesn't have to heavy on meat,potatoes, and starchy stuff. Balance it out and make the portions smaller. If you feel full- stop. Even on the days that you are dieting- if you feel tempted to eat a piece of cake, cheesecake or pie, or whatever- have it and enjoy it. If you deprive yourself- you'll be tempted to overeat. Kick shame or guilt to the curb and change the negativity with positivity- and have your cake and eat it too. If you do- enjoy it. Then get back on track and maybe drink an extra glass of water or 2 and maybe walk an extra 5 minutes. It'll take time and what I've found is helpful is don't get on the scale for 3 weeks while you're body is in the 'diet mode'. Because honestly- your body is transitioning and will be wonky for a while. Just be persistant and strive to make a difference for YOU! Stay positive.
Another thing- I don't do scales anymore. You'll know and notice that you've lost by HOW your clothes fit on you. Good for you for getting accountability. I believe in you! You can do it! I'm rooting for you!
Hugs!!! Just thought I'd give you words of support and encouragement!
{ HUGS }

Melinda Cornish said...

I look at your picture and knowing who you are, I just see a beautiful woman with a big heart! I just want you to feel really good about yourself again. It is such a great thing and you deserve it! You know that I went thru the same thing because we have talked about it. I know it is hard but you can do it. We are never going to be 100 pounds again, (probably) but we can feel good about how we look and have energy to keep up with all our drama!!!! I am proud of you and I am rooting for you too.....You are going to do it girlfriend just for you......

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